I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
