i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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