so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
