So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
