I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
