I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
