trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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