so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
