I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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