just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
