i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
