Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Randomize
