im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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