This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
