She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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