It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
