can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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