I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
