I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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