there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
