I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
