Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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