i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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