You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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