She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
