Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
