I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
