The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
