I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
