I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
