why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
