Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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