So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
