The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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