you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
