True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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