I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
