I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
