I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
