kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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