when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
