i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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