so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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