Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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