My friends, they love my intelligence
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
