ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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