You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
