Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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