Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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