Your tits are I can't wait for
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
